Trish's Legacy
by amythis
Summary: Trish Baldwin's will has some surprises for Tony and Angela.
1. Trishes

"Angela, this is Trish. Trish is dead!"  
"Um, I think we have a bad connection."

The normally calm, cool, and collected woman at the other end of the line took a deep breath and said more slowly, "Angela, this is Trish Carlin. Trish Baldwin died in a car accident."

"Oh my God!" Even though Trish B. had made Angela very unhappy in college and on her visit six years ago, it was still awful to think of a sorority sister dying like that.

"I'm the executor of her will and I need you to come to New York as soon as possible."  
"Oh, Trish, if she left me something, I don't want it. I have everything I need." Well, she didn't have Tony, at least not like before, or like she once hoped, but that wasn't exactly something that Trish B. could leave her. In fact, that Trish had seduced and then dumped Tony when she breezed through town, as soon as she thought she had a shot at Robert Andrew Holmby III.

"Please, Angela, I need you to do this, unpleasant though it may be. And bring Tony."  
"Did she leave him something, too?" To be honest, Angela was surprised Trish B. even remembered Tony. Not that he was at all forgettable, but Trish had been with and dumped so many men, it must've been a blur.

"I'll explain when I see you."

"OK, we'll stop by your agency on Monday. Tony doesn't have any classes that day and my schedule's pretty light."

"Good. I'll see you then."

Angela wanted to ask Trish C. more questions, including why the other Trish had made her executor, when the Trishes were never that close. But she supposed that she would find out more on Monday.

And now she had to tell Tony. Would he be upset? After all, even though he hadn't known Trish B. well, they had spent a night together, and were, if not exactly exes, still some sort of connection.

Angela left her home office. It was still tough to be in here sometimes, since this was where she and Tony had had their most painful talk, where she decided she had to let him pursue his relationship with Kathleen, since that seemed to be for the best. The pain had faded some in the past few months, and Angela herself was dating again, nothing serious, although Christopher had nearly swept her off her feet at one point.

Tony was in the living room, doing homework. Angela was very glad he wasn't studying with Kathleen, especially since it seemed, from the times Angela had walked in on them, that Kathleen just wanted to study Anatomy. Angela remembered walking in on Tony and Trish B. making out, too, awkward in a different way.

"Tony?"

"Oh, hey, Angela."

"I'm not interrupting, am I?"

"Nah, I can use a study break."

"Good." She sat in the nearest chair, not wanting to join him on the couch, especially not with his books all spread out.

"What's up?"

She took a deep breath. "Do you remember my college friend Trish? Not the one with the modeling agency, but, um, the other one."

He looked a little self-conscious. "Oh, yeah, I remember her."

"Well, I'm afraid I've got some bad news."

"She's not coming to town for another reunion, is she?"

Angela wanted to laugh but knew she shouldn't. "No, I just heard from Trish, I mean Trish Carlin, and she said that the other Trish died. In a car accident!"

"How awful!" His reaction seemed more the reaction of a man hearing about a tragedy for an acquaintance than a man who'd lost the love of his life.

"Yes. And, um, she's left us both something in her will."  
"Me? I hardly knew her."  
"Well."  
"Yeah, OK, Biblically." He blushed a little.

"Well, anyway, could you go with me to Trish Carlin's agency tomorrow? She's the executor."

"I don't want whatever the other Trish left me."

"I don't either, but this Trish insisted. And I guess we could give the items to charity or something."

"Yeah, I guess. Do you want me to go with you? I mean as emotional support."

She thought of how last month she went with him to talk sense to Sam in New Mexico. He hadn't invited Kathleen, but Angela of course had more of a close, nearly mother-daughter relationship with Sam, who hardly knew Kathleen, especially at that point. Tony was still Angela's best friend, no matter what they'd gone through. "Yes, I would."

"OK. I'll go. And maybe we can go to Brooklyn so the trip's not a total waste of time."

She smiled. It was still a treat for him to visit his old home, no matter how much Connecticut had changed him. At the time he slept with Trish B., he was still very much the rough-around-the-edges Brooklyn ex-jock. Now he was a college man, preparing to be a teacher.

"Should we take Mona and the kids?"

"No, the kids both have school, and Mother will need to look after my agency for a couple hours." It was strange to think that Angela hadn't even had her own ad agency when Trish B. visited. Angela was President of Wallace & McQuade then, and Trish had boasted that she'd been President of her company much longer. It was a very long time ago. The kids were small, not yet teenagers. Mother was in college. And Angela wasn't even technically divorced, from either of her husbands, although she hadn't yet discovered that about Brian, Brian Thomas.

She wondered if Trish B. had changed as much as they all had. She hadn't come to any more reunions and Angela had lost track of her. Did she have the same job? Had she ever married or did she just keep breaking hearts? Did she ever have children? Angela remembered Trish saying she never had time for babies and Mother telling her, "It only takes a few minutes."

No, if Trish B. had married and had a family, it seemed unlikely that she'd make Trish C. her executor. It was sort of sad to think of her dying alone, although it would be sad in a different way if she'd left a husband and children behind. And she was Angela's age of course, which made Angela think of what it'd be like if she were to die like that.

"Six years," Tony murmured.

Angela nodded.


	2. Manila

I didn't tell Kathleen my plans for today. I just said I had to run some errands in New York. One, I don't think she'd like me spending time with Angela in the City, even though this isn't exactly a romantic outing, and two, I'm not ready to tell her about all the women I've been with, especially the embarrassing experience with Trish. I mean, the sex wasn't embarrassing, but being dumped was. Still, I must've made some impression for Trish to remember me in her will. Not that I want whatever she left me, but I am curious. And I do want to emotionally support Angela, particularly since she has such bad memories of Trish.

It's a little awkward spending time with Angela, especially after we drop Mona off at the ad agency. I remember when Mona's ex-lover wanted to leave her a fortune and she refused. (She said it was the one time she cheated on Angela's father.) This is a different situation of course. For one thing, I doubt Trish left me a fortune, although she was as rich and successful as Angela. We were only together that one night and even though I'm pretty good in bed, I'm not that good.

Anyway, Angela drives us in her Jag over to the other Trish's modeling agency. I've visited a few times with Sam, to see Sam's friend from the old neighborhood, who's a teen model. I worried back when Sam was modeling, but this lifestyle is an improvement for Charlie, whose mom neglected her. I didn't tell Sam about this trip today, since I didn't want to go into the whole thing about Trish B. I'm not sure if Sam remembers her and I doubt she knows I slept with that Trish. Sam was pretty young, 11 going on 12, and I did go to the Fairfield Inn in the middle of the night so that the family wouldn't find out. Well, Angela found out, and warned me again, but it was too late by then.

"Hey, Tony, Ms. Bower, how's it goin'?" Charlie greets us.

"Fine. And you?" I say. I hope she doesn't know about Trish B. Charlie has a mouth on her and I can only imagine how she'd react.

"Hey, I'm livin' the dream." I think, underneath the sarcasm, she's happy, although it's hard to tell.

She does know we have an appointment with Trish, but doesn't seem to think anything of it. She probably figures it's to do with an advertising campaign, one of the reasons Angela and this Trish stayed in touch all these years. She escorts us to Trish's office and then says she's got to get back to studying. Well, that's a change.

Trish C. welcomes Angela with a hug and me with a handshake. We sit down and she takes out a manila envelope.

"Angela, I'd like you to read this, out loud if you don't mind." She reaches into the envelope and removes a small leather-bound book.

"Trish, this is a diary! I can't read it at all."

"I don't think Trish B. would mind. And it's the best way to explain her legacy."

Angela sighs and takes the diary, opening it to where the bookmark is. She clears her throat and then reads aloud, _" 'Monday, June 25, 1984: Well, things didn't go exactly according to plan, but I think they'll work out anyway. RAH was at the reunion but you won't believe who he left with!' "_ Angela blushes a little as she says, "I think she means Robert Andrew Holmby the Third."  
"Yeah, I figured," I say.

Blushing even more, she reads, _" 'Pudgy little Angela Robinson! Well, she's slimmed down a lot, too skinny in my opinion, and she's trying to pull off an unflattering shade of blonde...' "_

"Would you like me to read it?" Trish C. asks gently.

"No, it's fine. Um. _'But she does look better than she did in college anyway. And she caught RAH's attention. No matter. I can find someone else for that part of the plan. As for the other part, well. Angela has an Italian stud of a housekeeper who was very easy to charm into bed.' "_

Now I'm blushing but I've also got this weird feeling that I've got an idea what the legacy is. Or is that too crazy?

 _" 'I told him not to bother with a condom since I had protection, and he was stupid enough to fall for it.' "_

No, oh no, I can't be right!

 _" 'I won't know for sure for another few weeks, but I think he did the job. The best part is I'll never see him again and it'll never occur to him that he gave me more than an hour of pleasure. And I may be able to find someone just as good as RAH in the next few weeks, maybe not as rich, but rich enough. I'll have a child with Tony's good looks and athleticism and a husband who can support us in the style we deserve.' "_

Angela shuts the diary and stares at the cover. She must be pretty shocked. Well, she knew that I slept with Trish B., but not that Trish had these ulterior motives. Not that I knew them of course, but I'm more worldly than Angela. And I definitely remember the conversation about birth control. It was stupid of me to believe her, but it would never have occurred to me that she'd want to get pregnant, especially from what turned out to be a one-night stand.

I look at Trish C. "Um, so did it work out for her?"

She sighs. "Sort of. She never did find a rich husband."

"Um, but the other part?"

She reaches into the envelope again and this time takes out a photo of a little boy of about five, with brown hair, big brown eyes, and pinchable cheeks. I swallow as I take it. That's my kid. It's gotta be. This can't be happening!

"His name is Billy."

At least she didn't name him after me. But maybe she was worried that word might get back to Angela if she did. If Angela had only heard that Trish B. was a single mom, I doubt that her first thought would be that I was the kid's father. I might've wondered about the timing but maybe not. I really hadn't given Trish much thought at all until a couple days ago.

I look over at Angela. I wonder how weird this is for her. Mona warned her that having Trish stay with us was trouble, but I doubt she foresaw this!

"Can I see?" she asks.

I nod and silently hand over the picture.


	3. Photo

I can't believe how much this photo looks like the photos of Tony as a little boy, like Tony now. I suppose it's possible Trish lied in her diary, but I can't think of any reason why. I am surprised she wanted a child when she was such a self-centered person, but maybe she thought of him as someone else to adore her. I feel sorry for Billy, and not just because his mother's dead.

"Where is he now?" Tony asks.

"In Chicago, with his nanny."  
I wonder how much of his upbringing Trish bothered with. Of course, I've had Tony looking after Jonathan for six years, but I'm as involved a parent as I can be.

And if this is Tony's child, if this is the legacy, is it my legacy, too? After all, Tony and I live together. I helped him raise Sam and I still try to be like a mother to her, even if she thinks she's all grown up. She may be 18 and in college and engaged, but I don't think our work is done.

However, it's not as if Tony and I are a couple. He's with Kathleen now. And I have no idea how she'll react to this news. Would she resent him having a child with a woman he never married, hardly dated? Would she resent me if I raised another child with Tony? Maybe she already does.

"Would it be better for him to be put on a plane with the nanny, or should I go get him myself?"

I look at Tony. I want to suggest he at least get a blood test. Or discuss this with Kathleen. With me. And what about Samantha? She's been an only child all these years.

"Are you going to take him in?" Trish Carlin asks.

"Well, I." He looks at me. "Uh, I guess I need to think this over."

"OK." She hands him the manila envelope. "The rest of the information, including a copy of the will, is in here. And you can call me with any questions."

He nods. "Thanks."

Trish turns to me. "Angela, she did leave you a sorority pin."

"Oh, I think I'll pass."

Trish chuckles. "OK."

"Um, I'll wait in the hallway," Tony says, and I realize he thinks I need to talk things over with Trish C.

"Thank you, Tony," she says. After he closes the door behind him, she asks me, "Are you all right?"

"I don't know. I, I told you about Kathleen. So we're, Tony and I, aren't as close as we were."

"I understand. But I think you're still very important in his life. Not to mention, if he does take Billy in, it's going to affect you. Well, the whole family. But especially you."

"Yes. Trish, do you think that really is Tony's son? I mean, Trish B. wasn't the most honest person."

"Yes, I do. Of course, it is possible she lied to her diary but the scheme sounds like her. And she couldn't have known she'd die so young or so suddenly."

"No."

"And if she did lie, then that little boy is an orphan."

"You at least know that Billy is her son?"

Trish nods. "Yes, there are pictures of her pregnant, and there's Billy's birth certificate, with 'Father' left blank."

"Ah."

"Well, you two talk it over. And I guess he'll want to talk it over with Kathleen, if they're serious."

"I don't know," I say slowly. It is one of his longer relationships, but he understandably doesn't talk to me about it.

We stand up and she gives me a hug goodbye. "Let me know what you decide. Both you and Tony."  
"OK."

I go over and open the door. I half expect Tony to be eavesdropping, but he's at the end of the hallway, by the stairs.

"You ready to go?"

"Yes, I should get back to my office. Um, do you want to drop me off and drive my car back to Fairfield? I can take the train home with Mother."

"Yeah, thanks."

I know we should talk, but I need time to digest this. And he must need time, too, although it sounds like he's already considering raising his son. Not that I'm surprised he feels that way, when family is so important to him. Even this unplanned little boy. Yet, I think he understands that if he's still living under my roof, it's not his decision alone. I suppose he could move out, but I don't want that.

When he drops me off, I want to lean over and give him a hug, but I just can't. So I wave goodbye and head up to the Bower Agency. Mother is on the phone when I come in, so I scurry to my inner office.

I told her that I had to meet with Trish C. about an account, plausible enough. But I need to pull myself together before I face Mother.

Unfortunately, a minute later, she comes in and says, "Well, what is it? Cash, stocks, or jewelry?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Come on, after the hell she put you through, her guilt has to be worth something."

I stare at her. "How did you find out?"

"I overheard you and Tony talking this morning."

"Oh."  
"And she left Tony something, too, right?"

"Um, yes. She left me a sorority pin."

She shakes her head. "That doesn't count as jewelry. Is Tony's inheritance just as junky?"

"Uh, no, I think you could call it priceless."

"Wow! That must've been some night at the Fairfield Inn six years ago!"

"You could say that." I may as well tell her. She's going to find out sooner or later, especially if Billy moves in. And maybe it's better to tell her here, away from home. And I suppose I could use someone to confide in, someone I'm much closer to than I am to Trish C. "Please sit down, Mother."

"Oo, this must be big!"

"You could say that. But it's also very small." I take the photo out of my jacket pocket and hand it across my desk, face down.

"A photo? That's pretty chintzy of her."

"No, it's what's in the photo."  
"Well, it can't be a yacht or a car if it's small."

"Just look at it."

So she flips it over and then gasps. "That's a heck of a legacy! Although I guess you could say Tony had half ownership already."


	4. Fish and Veal

I decide to go to Brooklyn after all. I need to talk to Mrs. Rossini. She's not exactly a mother figure, but she's like an honorary relative. And I need to talk to someone who's known me since before my mother died, when I was not much older than Billy is now.

Billy. With all the weird things about having an unexpected son, maybe the weirdest is that I didn't get to name him. Not that Billy is a bad name. But I don't know, it wouldn't have been my first choice. But I wasn't exactly consulted, about any of this, until now.

And, yeah, I could just walk away, say I didn't make any kind of commitment to his mother, any promise to him. But it's not his fault he was born, and to that woman. And someone has to take care of him now. OK, I guess I could pay the nanny, but that would be kind of weird, a housekeeper employing a nanny. And, although I obviously don't have anything against servants, I feel like he should be with family.

It's also strange to think of him as having been born by the time Angela and I drunkenly kissed. He was a baby when I thought about marrying old-fashioned Gina. I wonder what she would've thought if she knew. And, yeah, what the heck is Kathleen going to say?

I mean, it's not like I cheated on her. I didn't even know her back then. I was very single. But she's going to be surprised. Maybe not as shocked as Gina, and even Gina might've thought of it as "boys will be boys." Gina knew I had a wild side, although it's mostly been sleeping the past few years. OK, yeah, I fell into bed with Kathleen a few months ago, but I couldn't treat it like a one-night stand. She had a very different attitude than Trish B., and she wanted something very different from me, bed aside.

And, yeah, I know, it's not like I'm childless anyway. But there's a big difference between being the father of a college freshman and being the father of a kindergartner. Billy is going to need me a lot more than Sam does. Would Kathleen resent that? Not that she has a right to, really, but I could kind of understand. This isn't what she signed on for.

And what about Angela? She knew I slept with Trish but not the long-term consequences. Can I ask her to let my son share our home? That's a lot to ask, even of a woman as understanding as Angela. And I've put her through a lot. I know that.

Anyway, I drive to the old neighborhood and head to the Rossinis' fish market. She's got a partner now, a younger guy I found for her after her husband left her. There's nothing romantic going on except a little light flirting, but he's been good for the business and she can take time off. So when I show up and say I want to talk, she takes me home to feed me.

I wait till I've swallowed enough veal to make her happy. It sticks in my throat a little, but not as much as the words do. But I have to say this. "Mrs. Rossini, I've gotta talk to you about something big."

"Yeah, I figured. You want any dessert?"

"No thanks. Um, I'm just gonna say it straight out. I have a son."

"Oh my God! You got Angela pregnant!"

"No, no! I've never even touched Angela!" Well, OK, I've touched her, and kissed her, and shared a couple beds and hotel rooms with her. (I slept on the floor two out of three times.) But we've never made love. Not that the thought never crossed my mind of course. But Angela is my boss and she's classy and I, well, I care about her too much to risk losing what we have. OK, yeah, we lost some of it after I slept with Kathleen but she seems to have moved on from that. We're not what we were, but we're still sort of best friends.

"Oh, sorry. Ohhhh! It's that new girl, huh? The one from your Art class?"

I wonder how much she knows. I never directly told her about seeing Kathleen but she may've heard rumors. Or maybe Sam told her. I don't know. Sam and I haven't talked about it much. I feel funny about how I got together with Kathleen and it's not really something I can discuss with my daughter. Plus, sometimes I get the feeling like she wanted or maybe even still wants me to get together with Angela, and that ain't gonna happen. Not now.

"No, it's not Kathleen."

"Oh, right, you haven't been dating nine months yet."

"Right. Anyway, this was years ago, but I didn't know at the time. I mean that I got her pregnant. She didn't want me to know."

"And so she finally told you?"

"Not exactly." I explain about the car accident and a little about the conception.

"That poor girl! OK, so she doesn't sound like a very nice person, but no one deserves to die like that."  
"Yeah. And, well, so her son, I mean our son, Billy, he's five now. And I wonder if I should raise him."  
"Of course you should! How can you even question that?"

"Well, for one thing, I didn't plan on him."

"You didn't plan on Sam either."  
"Yeah, but I was married to her mother. And I loved Marie. We wanted a kid but we kinda hoped we'd be older. But we were real happy to get Sam. Trish didn't want me to be part of Billy's life."  
"Well, then she should've chosen someone else. And, OK, you didn't plan to get her pregnant, but you did take that risk and you have to live up to your responsibilities."

"Yeah, I know. It's just, well, I don't live on my own. I live with Angela. It's her house. I work for her."

"Angela loves kids! And she's your best friend."

"Yeah." I nod and swallow.

"Something else buggin' you, Tony?"

"Well, I don't know how Kathleen is gonna react."

"Hey, if she's got a problem with it, then that shows she's too selfish for you. Any good girlfriend would be thrilled to help."

I guess she's right, but it still seems a lot to ask.

"So what did Angela say?"

"She seemed to be in shock. I mean, this came out of nowhere, especially for her."  
"Give her time. She's always come through for you before, hasn't she?"

I smile a little. "Yeah, she has."


	5. Considering

The whole train ride home, I can hear Mother's voice. Not because she's sitting next to me, since she's silently reading an issue of _Mature Woman Magazine._ I'm thinking about what she said back at work.

She warned me to not rush into this, even though Tony understandably wants to. It's a big commitment, for both of us. OK, I don't expect Tony to spend the next dozen years living with me, Mother, and Jonathan. He'll graduate in a year and half and then get a job as a teacher, maybe in another town, another state. But he's living in my house for now. And even if he moved out with Billy, I would still feel some connection. I mean to Billy. I'd be like a mother substitute, at least until and unless Tony remarries.

I don't know. It's all so complicated. And I need to talk to Tony, tonight, probably after dinner.

When Tony picks us up at the train station, Mother says, "So what's new, Tony?"

He looks at me and I blush and shrug. He sighs. He knows how hard it is keeping a secret from Mother, especially when she likes spying on people.

Mother doesn't do any more teasing, not even at dinner, although I'm sure she's dying to. I don't know if Jonathan notices anything amiss. Admittedly, there's been a strange feeling in the house ever since Tony's first night with Kathleen. OK, before that, it was sexual tension between me and Tony, but that didn't seem to bother anyone but the two of us. Except that we liked it, too. Sigh.

Anyway, I wait till Mother goes out on a date and Jonathan goes upstairs to do his homework before I ask to speak to Tony. And I make sure it's in my office. We need privacy for this.

"So, um," we say simultaneously and then laugh self-consciously. I gesture that he should go first.

He clears his throat. "So I'm thinking of going to Chicago this weekend."

"To meet Billy or to bring him home?"

"Well, both."

"Oh."

"Unless you're uncomfortable about it. I mean, he is Trish's son."  
"No, no, that has nothing to do with it. It's just, well, Tony, this is a really big step."

"I know."

"And, although it would be nice to have a small child around again, now that Jonathan's in high school and Sam's in college, Billy is going to need a lot of time and attention."

"I know, but maybe I could cut back on my classes. At least till he settles in."

"Well, I could help."

"Gee, thanks, Angela, I appreciate that, but you're so busy with your agency."

"Yes."

"And it's not like you're my— Well, anyway, yeah, it is a big commitment."

"We might be able to make it work, but couldn't we meet him first, see if he even wants to move in? I mean, he lives in Chicago and, well, you are a stranger to him."

Tony swallows again. "Yeah. Maybe he won't even like me."  
"Children always like you."

"Well, thanks. Hey, wait a minute! Did you say 'we' should meet him?"

"Well, yes. I mean, even though I won't be his— Well, I think it would be best. For me and him. And you."

"Yeah. Um, so you wanna go to Chicago with me this weekend? I mean to meet my son."  
How strange that sounds! I wonder when I'll get used to this. But then it's only been a few hours since we found out. "Yes, I would. Um, but what are you going to tell—?" I can't say her name just now.

"The kids? How about you're going to an ad conference? Or I'm going to an old-timers game."  
"With the Bears?"

He smiles a little. "Close, Angela. The Bears are football. The Cubs are baseball."  
"Oh, right." I've learned a lot about sports since I met him, but I still have trouble keeping track of all the teams.

"So which do you want to say? Advertising or baseball?"

"Well, either would be fine I guess. But the kids are going to wonder why I'd take you. Or you'd take me. Considering."

"Oh, right, considering."

"And what would she think?"

He sighs. "I guess I'll have to talk to her. The sooner the better."

"Yes."  
"As for the kids, I don't know. Could it be both? You're going for a conference and I'm going to a game?"

"That seems like quite a coincidence, them happening on the same weekend."

"You got a better story?"

"Maybe the truth. After all, if we end up taking Billy home with us, that's going to be quite a shock for the kids."

"Yeah." He sighs. "Um, do you want to tell 'em or should I?"

"I'll talk to Jonathan. Preferably before Mother has a chance."

He snorts. "Yeah." Then he sighs yet again. "And I guess I'll talk to Sam. But first I should talk to, you know."

"Yes. Um, do you want me to hold off on talking to Jonathan?"

"Yeah, if you could. I'll be seeing her tomorrow for a class and then a date after, so yeah."

This time I swallow. I try not to imagine their date. Tomorrow will be Tuesday. And then I guess Tony will report on Wednesday, unless he doesn't want to tell me how it goes. But I should be able to speak with Jonathan before we leave. "OK. Um, should I talk to my travel agent about two tickets to Chicago? And maybe three tickets back, one for a small child?"

"Yeah, that's a good idea. I hope they won't be too pricey, going on the weekend and on such short notice."

"I don't mind."  
"Well, I'll pay you back as soon as I can."

"No rush."

"Thanks, Angela, you're really great!" He looks like he wants to hug me but can't.

I understand. I try to make a joke. "Isn't this what any employer would do for her housekeeper?"

"Not quite."

I decide right then I'll help Tony out financially with Billy, at least till Tony graduates. He's putting himself and Sam through college and his finances are already strained. Yes, Sam sometimes gets jobs but it's not enough to cover everything, especially since she refuses to live at home.

I think of something. "Tony, where is Billy going to sleep? I know you wouldn't want to give him Sam's room."

"Right. I want her to know this is still her home."

"Of course. And I don't think we can ask Jonathan to share."

"Or Mona."

I laugh at the idea of Mother's merry widow lifestyle cramped by a five-year-old. "Yes."

"Well, there's that little room next to mine that we've been using for storage. I could clear it out, move some stuff to the attic, maybe donate some of it."

"That's going to take some time just in itself. Not to mention turning the room into a bedroom."  
"OK, we'll meet Billy this weekend, see how the three of us feel about living together. And then come back for him the weekend after. Or have the nanny bring him. I mean if we decide to do this."

"OK." So some of this settled, and some of it is not. But I'm glad Tony and I talked, despite the awkwardness.


	6. Fathers

"Tony, are you busy this weekend?"

I almost choke on the dinner she's made. I want to tell her but I thought I'd wait till after we ate. I carefully set down my fork. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, my father wants to meet you."

How can I tell Kathleen I need to meet my son? But I have to. "Um, well."

"Oh, don't jump to any conclusions. It's just, well, he knows we've been seeing each other awhile and he wondered if that would be a good time."

"Well, um, I do have plans. I, uh, have to go to Chicago."

"Chicago?"

"Yeah, to meet a, a relative."

"Oh. I thought all your relatives were in Brooklyn or Italy."

"Yeah, most of them."

"When will you be back?"

"Sunday night."

"OK. Maybe the weekend after."

"Yeah, maybe." She's not asking questions. Maybe I don't have to tell her. No, I should. The sooner the better. "Um, the thing about this relative, well, he."

"What?"

"He's my son."

"Your son? I thought Sam was an only child."

"She is. Sort of. Um, Billy's mother isn't Marie."

"Oh."

"You see, I was with Billy's mother six years ago and I never knew I got her pregnant. Until she died recently."

"Oh."

"So now I'm his only family."

"I see."

"So, are you shocked or anything?"

"I don't know what I'm feeling. Was this before or after you moved in with Angela?"

"Well, a little while after. She was sort of friends with Angela. Well, sorority sisters anyway."

"Did Angela know about it?"

"Of course not! She would've told me years ago if she did."

"No, I mean about you dating her friend."

"Oh, yeah, she knew." I decide not to go into it about how I wasn't technically dating Trish or that she tricked me or anything.

"And what does she think about you having a son?"

"Well, you know, she's surprised."

"And she's going to let him, Billy was it, move in?"

"Yeah, Billy. And, well, maybe. She needs time to think about it." I can't tell Kathleen that Angela is going with me to Chicago. I just can't.

"Right. And if she says no, then what are you going to do?"

"I'm not really sure. I could get my own place."

"What about moving in with me?"

"With you?"

"Yeah. Haven't you ever thought about it?"

Not for one moment. "Well, we're both in school and that's a big step. And you're used to living alone. You want me and a little boy you never met to move in?"

"I don't know, Tony. I guess my dad would think it was crazy."

"Your dad?"

"Well, he's old-fashioned in some ways. And he worries about me."

Great, now I have to worry about him worrying.

"But it might be the best solution. Will you at least think about it?"

"Yeah, sure. And thanks."

"Of course."

"You should think about it, too, though. OK?"

"Of course. When will I get to meet Billy? Should I go with you to Chicago?"

"No, no, that's sweet of you, but I think that should wait. I mean, I should meet him first."

"Of course. I don't suppose you want him to meet my father weekend after next, do you?"

"Uh, I think we can wait on that."

She took it better than I expected, too well actually. I thought she'd be upset that a) I had unprotected and impregnating sex six years ago, b) it was with one of Angela's friends, c) I didn't even know about the baby for years, and/or d) now I want to raise my son. I don't know how to deal with this much acceptance, and I feel guilty because I left things out.

"So how did she die?"

"Billy's mother? A car accident."

"How awful!"

"Yeah."

"That poor little boy!"

"Yeah."

"Does he know you're his father?"

"I don't think so. I'm not sure what she told him. We haven't been, hadn't been at all in touch."

"Oh. Not even when she found out she was pregnant? Were you two still seeing each other then?"

"Uh, no." Oh, heck, I'm gonna have to tell her some of this. "You see, it was just a one-night stand."

"Oh."

"Not that I wanted it to be." I think of how when I woke up next to Kathleen, I wished it hadn't happened, and I wanted to tell myself it was a one-night stand. But it wasn't. "But she dumped me for another guy the next night."

"So how do you know it's your baby?"

"I saw a picture. Of Billy now I mean, not as a baby. And he looks a lot like me and, um."

"What?"

"Well, she didn't sleep with the guy she dumped me for. She wanted to but he dumped her for An— another woman."

"Sounds like she deserved it."

"Yeah, I guess. Anyway, she wrote in her diary—"

"You've read her diary?"

I don't want to explain that Angela read it out loud. "Well, her executor wanted me to know the situation. Anyway, she, Billy's mother tricked me. She wanted my, my genes for her kid, but she wanted a rich husband."

"Oh. Did she find one?"

"Apparently not. She seems to have raised Billy on her own. Well, with a nanny."

"That poor little boy."

"Yeah."

"I can see why you want to give him a home. But don't you feel bitter, used?"

"Well, yeah, a little. OK, maybe I really would if Billy's mother weren't dead. But she's gone and he needs me."

"You're so sweet!" She kisses me.

I feel guiltier, although I'm not sure why.


	7. Children

Someone knocks on my bedroom door and then I hear Mom say, "Sweetheart, can I talk to you?"

"Uh, yeah, just a second." I turn off my TV. I wonder what I did wrong. Well, I've learned from Sam that you deny everything as long as you can. I get up and open the door. "What's up, Mom?"

She comes in and sits on my bed so I sit in my chair. "Well, it's about Tony."

Oh God, here it comes. I've been dreading this for months, ever since he started seeing Kathleen. The whole time he's been living with us, he's never gone out with any woman more than a couple times. And I actually thought he and Mom were getting closer, especially after Sam and I saw them making out in Jamaica. Then Kathleen showed up and everything's changed. OK, maybe not everything. I mean, Tony still lives with us and he and Mom are still friends. But it's not the same, and probably never will be again.

I've kind of gotten used to it. Except for an attempt to matchmake them when I was a little kid, I've mostly tried to stay out of Mom and Tony's business. It's Sam and Grandma who tease them and nudge them when they can. Anyway, I've kept hoping that Tony and Kathleen will break up. Nothing against her. It's just she's not Mom. And I've been dreading hearing that they might get married. Now I've got the feeling that that day has arrived. I don't know why poor Mom has to be the one to tell me, but maybe Tony's too embarrassed or something.

"Yeah?" I say.

"Well, do you remember my friend Trish?"

Of course I remember her friend Trish. She's the one with the hot models! But what does that have to do with Tony? "The one in New York?"

"No, no, this is a different Trish. The one who visited six years ago."

"Oh, the one who knew you when you were fat?" Mom winces and I feel bad. I'm always putting my foot in my mouth.

"Yes, that's the one."

"Um, what about her?"

"Well." She hesitates and then continues, "Jonathan, you're growing up now and you know a little about men and women."

"Uh, yeah." I'm really confused. What does this have to do with Kathleen?

"Well, Trish and Tony, um, had a date."

"Oh." What's the big deal about that? Tony's had lots of dates. I would love to be as popular with women as he is. Heck, even one-tenth as popular.

"And this date led to something."

Did Kathleen find out about Trish? Why would she care? I mean compared to other women Tony did "something" with. "Uh huh?"

"And, well, we just found out recently, but she had a, a baby by Tony."

I stare at her, speechless.

"And that baby is a five-year-old now. And Trish passed away, so the little boy, Billy, is all alone in the world."

"Wow!" I can't take this in. Tony is a dad! I mean of a kid we didn't even know about.

"How would you feel if Billy moved in with us?"

"I don't know, Mom. I mean, is that what Tony wants? Is that what you want?"

"I think it might be the right thing to do, because it's so important to Tony."

How can she care so much for Tony, after he's hurt her over Kathleen? I'll never understand relationships.

"Tony and I are going to meet him this weekend and then decide, but I wanted you to know about it. And if you have any objections, please speak your mind."

"I don't know. It'd be weird having a little kid around here. But I guess I'd get used to it."

She smiles. "Thank you, Jonathan. I know it would be an adjustment for everyone, but I think it could be a good thing, for all of us."

...

"Hey, Dad, what brings you by?" He's no longer at the point where he drops by my dorm every day. I think he's been busy with Kathleen lately. Kathleen, sigh. I'm getting used to her, I guess. I mean, she's been around a lot longer than any of the others. I don't like that she's ruined the chance of Dad and Angela getting together, but if I'm honest, that's more his fault than Kathleen's. OK, Angela told me a few months ago that she and Dad had agreed to someday talk about maybe getting married, which wasn't too promising, but it was better than nothing. And now it's as distant as when Angela was dating that boring nerd Geoffrey.

I expect Dad to say that he doesn't need a reason to visit his favorite daughter, but instead he asks, "Can we go for a walk?"

"Yeah, sure." We don't really walk around on campus together much, since our schedules are so different. (He's two years ahead of me, a junior now.) It's 7 p.m., so it's just evening classes right now, not a lot of people around. The fall foliage is very pretty in that New England way, but I get the feeling we're not going to admire the leaves.

We don't talk about anything important until we stop and sit down on a bench. Then he begins with, "Sweetheart, you're growing up now."

Oh God, he's going to ask me how far I've gone with my fiancé! Matt wants us to wait till we're married, and anyway he's in New Mexico, but I'm sure that won't stop Dad's questions. And we have gone further than Dad would like. OK, I'll play it cool and deny as much as I can. "Yeah, I'm in college now."

"Right, yeah. And I want you to know I've done some things I'm not proud of."

Wait, maybe this is about Kathleen. Is he going to confess what I've suspected for months, that he slept with Kathleen right away? I do not need to hear that! "Dad, you're an adult, too. A middle-aged adult."

"Gee, thanks."

"I mean, what you do is your own business."

"Yeah, sort of. It's just that sometimes there are consequences."

"God, Dad, you got Kathleen pregnant!"

"No, no, not Kathleen!"

I stare at him. "Angela?" Maybe more happened in Jamaica than I thought. But that was over a year ago. Maybe he and Angela have fooled around since he's been seeing Kathleen. What a mess! And yet, part of me is happy for them. This means he'll dump Kathleen and marry Angela. I can't wait to talk to Mona!

"No, no, of course not."

"Sorry. Who then?" When would he find the time to cheat on Kathleen with anyone other than Angela? He's got housework, classes, coaching, hobbies, and the PTA.

"This was years ago."

"Years ago?" Oh God, he cheated on Mom! How awful!

"Yeah, six."

Oh. Mom died about four years before that, when I was little. "Was this before or after we moved in with Angela and Jonathan?"

"After. It was, it was her old college friend Trish."

"The bitchy one who kept putting Angela down?"

"Can you not swear please?"

"Sorry. You got her pregnant?" I don't even call him on criticizing my language when he's had unprotected sex.

"Yeah. But I didn't find out until she died."

"How'd she die?"

"A car accident. Recently."  
"And she had your kid?"

"Yeah, a boy named Billy."

Now it sinks in. "I have a brother? I mean a half-brother?"

"Yeah."

"Wow!" I don't know how to feel about this. I mean if it was Angela as the mother, that would be cool. But Dad having a kid by a woman he barely knew and that Angela sort of hated?

"What would you think if I raised him now?"

"I'd think he was a lucky little boy." I mean it. Dad is the best father I know, much better than my friends' fathers. OK, he's strict and interfering, but he really does care. And he's lots of fun.

"Awww, Sam, you're the best!"

"So are you, Dad." We hug.

I decide not to scold him for having unprotected sex with a bitch. And I don't ask him what Kathleen thinks of this. But I do ask, "Is Angela OK with this?"

"We're going to meet Billy this weekend in Chicago and go from there."

"Does Kathleen know you're going to Chicago with Angela?"

He coughs. "Uh, no. I left out the Angela part."

I try not to grin. I think Billy moving in is going to be great in a lot of ways.


	8. Townhouse

As we walk up the steps of Trish's townhouse, I ask Tony, "Are you nervous?"

"Me? Why should I be nervous?"

I assume he's kidding. I'm nervous and that's not my child inside.

He rings the bell and an elderly woman in a gray dress answers the door. "Mr. Micelli?" I assume this is the nanny.

"Uh, yeah. And this is Angela Bower, my, my boss."

"Oh." She seems a little surprised but maybe he didn't tell her he was bringing someone. I wonder why he introduced me as his boss rather than his friend. I mean, I am both, but isn't our friendship more important at the moment? "Please come in, both of you."

We do and she escorts us into a nice if impersonal parlor. Trish did have a flair for decoration, I'll give her that. Or at least a flair for hiring a good decorator.

"I'm Miss Hannibal," she says to me. "The governess."

"Oh, it's nice to meet you."

"Would you like some tea?"

"No thank you."

"Uh, can we see Billy now?" I can understand Tony's impatience, but that's sort of abrupt.

Miss Hannibal takes it in stride. "In a moment. I wanted to talk to you first. You see, Billy doesn't know who you are."

"No one told him about me?"

"No. Ms. Baldwin told me that if he ever asked me about his father, I was to say that his father lived far away and could never visit."

I feel very angry at Trish, and yet I can see why she'd say that. She didn't like complications.

"Oh. So are you gonna tell him I can visit after all?"

"Would you rather I go in and tell him first or would you like to meet him before anyone says anything to him?"

Tony looks conflicted and turns to me as if I know the solution. I've given Tony so much advice over the years but I don't know what to say now.

He looks at Miss Hannibal again. "What does he know about his mother's death?"

"We've told him that she went to live with God."

I bite my lip, not wanting to say that it's just as likely that she went to live with the Devil. After all, I shouldn't speak ill of the dead, especially in front of her employees.

"Oh," Tony says. "Does he understand?"

"It's hard to tell how much a child that age understands. He still asks when she's coming back. Death is a difficult concept."

"Yeah."

I think of Tony losing his mother when he was seven and how his father and grandfather were there for him, how much he loved both men, still terribly misses both of them.

I say, "How about you just introduce us as old friends of his mother?"

"Oh, you're that Angela!"

I don't like the sound of that but I'm going to ignore it.

"Yes, Trish and I were in college together."

"Right. Would you like something to eat?"

I feel like slapping Miss Hannibal, but instead I say, "We'd like to meet Billy now."

"Of course. Wait here." She gets up and leaves the room.

The moment we're alone, Tony says, "What should I say? Should I tell him who I am?"

"Let's just see how it goes. I mean, if he does move in with us, you should say something ahead of time, so he knows you're not a stranger."

"But I am. Yeah, I'm his dad but he doesn't know me."

"You didn't know your grandfather before he moved in, but you grew to love him."

He smiles at me gratefully. "Yeah. Maybe I'll teach Billy to tap-dance with bottle caps."

I smile back. "I'd like to see that."

Miss Hannibal returns with the child from the photograph. It's so strange to see him as a living, breathing little boy. No matter how much we thought we were prepared for this, I don't think we really could be.

"These are your mother's old friends."

"Tony and Angela," Tony says quickly.

"Yeah? You got any candy?"

"No, but you shouldn't be eating any candy this close to dinner."

"You're not the boss of me!"

He's a feisty little guy. Tony looks proud. God, to see the two of them together! This is unreal. And I think of my old daydreams of having a child with Tony. If only things had gone differently for us. We could've had a son like this, well, younger.

"No, I'm not but I want you to be healthy."

"Why?"

"Why? So you can live a long time."

"My mommy was healthy and she's gone."

Oh God!

"Yeah, she is. But that's why you need someone to take care of you."

"Miss Hannibal takes care of me."

"I mean someone who..." Tony hesitates.

"Who what?"

"Billy?" I say quietly.

He looks at me. "Yeah?"

"Would you like to go on an airplane with us?"

"Miss Hannibal says I should never go anywhere with strangers."

"What if you got to know us?" Tony asks.

Billy looks at Miss Hannibal. "Is it safe?"

"Yes, I think Mr. Micelli is a nice man. And Ms. Bower is a nice woman."

That wasn't the impression I was getting of her opinion before. But maybe she's tired of being a governess, especially to a handful like Billy.

He looks at Tony again. "What kind of airplane?"

"A big one. It flies all the way to New York."

"What would we do in New York?"

"Climb the Empire State Building. See the Mets."

"Mommy says baseball is stupid."

Tony controls his temper. "Well, sometimes, yeah. But we could go to Coney Island."

"What's that?"

"It's great. They've got rides and candy."

"What about dinner?"

"We won't go tonight."

I want to laugh but I stop myself.

"When?"

"Maybe in a week."

"OK. When will we come back?"

"Well, maybe you'll want to stay."

"At Connie Island?"

"No, up in Connecticut."

"Where's that?"

"Near New York. But they've got trees and fields and clean air."

"Oh. Like the park?"

"Yeah, but bigger."

"Oh. Can I go first and then come back to Chickengo if I don't like it?"

"Yeah, sure."

I don't know if Tony should be making all these promises, but I understand why he is.

"OK. Can I watch TV now?" He asks Tony rather than Miss Hannibal.

"Yeah, just till dinner."

"OK." He leaves the room and then after a minute we can hear a television playing somewhere in the house.

"Well, I guess we should make arrangements," Miss Hannibal says. I wonder what she thinks of all this. I wonder what she thought of Trish. But I'm not going to ask of course. I just hope that things work out and Billy doesn't have to stay with her in this pleasant but somehow cold townhouse.


	9. Wondering

We're about halfway between Chicago and New York when Billy looks up from the coloring book and crayons I got him to ask, "Are you my daddy?"

I knew I should've told him before we left. Maybe even last weekend. But I guess I wanted to wait till he was in his new home before I sprung it on him. I really don't want to answer that question on a crowded airplane, but it's not the kind of question I can put off answering for long. And, no, I don't know if he just has an instinct that tells him who I am, or if he asks all men that. Poor kid, maybe he's been looking for his daddy all this time.

I swallow and then say, "Yeah, I am."

"Oh. Why didn't you ever visit before?"

"I didn't know how to find you." That's almost true. Well, I didn't know to look for him.

"Oh. Will I live with you now? And that lady with the yellow and black hair?"

"Angela? Yeah, if you want to."

"Maybe. If I like it."

I chuckle. "OK, that's fair."

He goes back to coloring.

Angela stayed behind this time, to put the final touches on Billy's bedroom. Kathleen wanted to come along this time, but I got out of that. She said it was for moral support, but I wonder how much of it was curiosity. Don't get me wrong, it was sweet of her, but I would rather have gone with Angela if I was gonna go with anyone. Well, maybe Sam. Should I tell Billy he's got a sister? Well, one step at a time.

Angela and I agreed that we'll ease Billy into this. Well, we didn't really discuss when and how I'd tell Billy I'm his father. But the living together part, and meeting the rest of the family, that won't be all at once. On the one hand, it'd have been great to have Angela, Sam, Jonathan, and Mona meet us at JFK. But that might've been too overwhelming. So I'll take Billy on the subway and the commuter train, which should be excitement enough. I explained that we probably won't go to Coney Island and all the other places in New York this weekend, but he will see Grand Central Station, which he said he's seen on TV.

I get the feeling he watches a lot of TV. Not that I have anything against television, but a kid his age should be out playing.

Kathleen wanted to know when she'll meet Billy. I couldn't tell her that he's already met Angela. I just said that it'll be after he settles in a little, gets to know Sam and everybody. Meanwhile, she still wants me to meet her father, but it'll be next weekend. I can't wait. No, I know, it's not a big deal, but I'm just not crazy about the timing, not that that's her fault of course.

I'm glad this flight is only a couple hours long. And the couple across the way are looking at me funny, like they overheard Billy's questions. Still, it's easier dealing with this around strangers. I can only imagine what the neighborhood gossips are going to think when I show up with a never before heard of son. Not that it matters what people think, except it kind of does. The rumors about me and Angela have been bad enough, and we've never really done anything. Mona is just amused but I think the rumors bother the kids, or at least they used to.

I thought the gossip would die down once I started dating Kathleen. To be honest, that might've been a factor in getting involved with her. It's no big deal to be dating a fellow classmate. I mean, Kathleen is close to my age. But sometimes I think people think I dumped Angela for Kathleen, and they probably wonder why she hasn't fired me. Poor Angela. She's had to put up with a lot because of me. I wish I could make it up to her. Maybe someday.

Billy looks out the window and I point stuff out to him as we get close to landing. I get the feeling he didn't travel a lot when his mom was alive. Of course, he's pretty little, so I can see how that would be hard. But sometimes Marie would take Sam to my games in the East, by bus, even when Sam was a baby.

I wonder what Marie would think of all this. I've always hoped that she would understand my dating other women after I lost her, as well understand as my feelings for Angela. I think she'd like Angela, even though they were very different. They're both warm-hearted and funny, I mean Marie was. Not that Kathleen isn't, too, don't get me wrong. But Angela's been a part of my life for a much longer time than Kathleen, and I do spend more time around her. So I'd want Marie to like her.

Do I see a future with Kathleen? I don't know, maybe. I remember telling Frankie I just wanted to date and see where things went, not rush into a serious commitment. I'm trying to do that with Kathleen, who at least is in no rush to get married, unlike Frankie, who proposed to me the first and only weekend. Don't forget, I've got school and now this brand-new responsibility with my son. I can't take on anything else big right now. But I think Kathleen understands that.

Billy asks more questions as we go through the airport, but nothing personal. He's a bright little boy, and I'm not just saying that because I'm his father. He reminds me a little of Sam at his age. I wonder if Mrs. Rossini would see him as like me at five. Well, I can ask her, because there she is, by the baggage claim.

"Mrs. Rossini!" I sing out.

"Hi, Tony. I brought the fish-truck when Sam told me that you weren't being met at the airport. I can drive you to Connecticut."

"Oh, thanks." I'm glad I told her about Billy, but this is still a little awkward. "Uh, this is Billy."  
"Are you my grandma?"

"No, but I knew your grandma. She was a very special lady." I guess she's figured out that Billy knows he's my kid.

"Where is she?"

"In Heaven. With your grandpa."

"Everybody's dead," he says, frowning.

"Hey, not everybody. I'm still here," I say. Then I scoop him up and put him on my shoulders, making him giggle.

"Oh, I wish I brought my camera," Mrs. Rossini says, putting her hand to her heart.

"We can take pictures later," I say.

On the drive to Fairfield, Billy asks questions about Mrs. Rossini and the scenery and why the truck smells funny. I wonder about all the questions he'll have about Fairfield and the house. I'm glad Angela will be waiting for us.

But when we get there, with Mrs. Rossini holding Billy's hand and me carrying the luggage, I look around and all I see is Jonathan watching TV. "Where is everybody?" I ask.

"Well, I'm here." He turns off the TV.

"Yeah, sorry. Um, Jonathan, this is Billy. Billy, this is Jonathan."

"Are you my big brother?"

"Uh, no."

"Where are Angela and Mona?" Sam said she might not be able to make it over till dinnertime, since she's studying at the library.

"On dates."

I just stare at him. Mona doesn't surprise me, but Angela? Yeah, she's gone out with guys since I've been seeing Kathleen, but Christopher got arrested and Peter and Jon were just sort of passing through. Who's the new guy? I can't ask right now of course.

But Mrs. Rossini can and does. "On dates with who?"

Jonathan shrugs. "I've lost track with Grandma. And mom met some doctor who owns a boat."

I do not like the sound of that.


	10. Doctors

I met Andy at Paul and Isabel's Fourth of July party. Peter was my date, back when I was still fragile about Tony's involvement with Kathleen, and Peter didn't yet want to make things serious between us. I didn't flirt with Andy, but when the Fergusons introduced me to their distinguished-looking colleague, I enjoyed chatting with him. His medical specialty is different than theirs, but he wanted me to talk shop more than he was, so I told him about my advertising career. He was impressed that I have my own successful agency, especially since I "did it on my own." I wanted to tell him about all the support I got from Tony, but I didn't think he'd understand.

I couldn't describe Tony as my best friend. Would a best friend hurt me the way Tony did? I've forgiven him now, especially after what we've gone through over Sam's engagement and now the discovery of his son. But anyway, I just told Andy I had a male housekeeper and he reacted better than some men have. Of course, I hadn't yet talked marriage with Tony back in the days of Grant et al. Tony and I are just friends now, good friends, not as close as we were, but OK, maybe still best friends.

Anyway, I guess Andy got my phone number from the Fergusons after I broke up with Peter, because he called and asked me out, although not immediately after the break-up. I was so distracted by everything with "Trish's legacy" that I put him off, claiming I was busy with work, which I was a little, although that wasn't the main reason. And then he asked me out for Saturday lunch, and I figured that by the time Tony and Billy arrived from the airport, particularly if they made a detour to Coney Island and/or Brooklyn, I'd be back in plenty of time to welcome them. So I told Andy yes.

But lunch leads to a long walk in the park. I enjoy his company. He's as serious about his career as I am but he also has hobbies, like cooking and sailing. He'd like to cook for me sometime. I hope he's not going to be like Peter and get serious too fast. But for now it's OK. To be honest, it's nice to spend time with someone who's not deep into my personal and/or work life, like Mother, and in a different way Tony.

I do mention Billy, when he asks if my housekeeper's daughter is still living at home. I don't tell him about "dragging her teenage butt" home from New Mexico, just that she's living in the dorms but visits a lot. And, since he'll probably come over to the house at some point, I tell him about Billy. Not the whole Trish Baldwin saga going back more than twenty years. Just that Tony and his son's mother were "estranged" and now he has custody of their son. Andy doesn't need to know more.

"And you don't mind?"

"Mind?"

"Well, your own son is in high school, right?"

"Yes."

"And now you're taking on a little boy you're not even related to? At a point when you can have more time for yourself?"

I don't feel like Billy is unrelated to me. I mean, in a way, Tony is family, so Billy is, too. But that's not the point. "Even if he weren't related to Tony, I would still open my home to Billy. He's lost his mother and he needs us."

Andy kisses my cheek. "You're very sweet."

I blush. "Thank you."

"Would you like to go out on my boat?"

"Your boat?" I knew he had one, I even mentioned it to Jonathan when he asked about who I was going out with, but I'm startled by the lack of transition.

"Yeah. Not a yacht but not a rowboat."

I end up telling him my oar-girl story. He's amused. And we agree to go sailing sometime. I hope I don't get seasick like I sometimes do. (I also sometimes get sick on planes and even on the commuter train. But it might be nice and relaxing out on the water.)

I ask him to take me home now. "Tony and Billy will be arriving soon and I should be there."

"Of course. And I guess that means you're going to be busy the next week or so, while Billy settles in."

"Probably yes." It may take weeks or even months for Billy to feel at home. But I could still go out occasionally, especially if it's casual. "I'll call you, OK?"

"OK."

He drives me home and I'm surprised to see Mrs. Rossini's fish-truck in the driveway. He laughs. "You have fish delivered to your house?"

"Yes, bottled water and fish."

He laughs. "You're so witty, Angela!"

"Thank you." I hope he's not going to be a doter like Geoffrey. I found that both flattering and uncomfortable. I give him a quick kiss goodbye, thank him for the lovely time, and get out of the car as fast as I can without seeming rude. Then I enter through the kitchen, where I find Mother.

"So who's the new squeeze?"

She must've been spying out the window. "Andy Schumaker. And we just started seeing each other."

"Well, I figured that out. You weren't steaming up the windows yet. Although it didn't take you long to do that with Christopher the Greek god, did it?"

"Mother!" I hope Tony doesn't hear her talk like this. I change the subject to, "What's Mrs. Rossini doing here?"

"Screeching and butting in like usual."

I sigh. "Is she here to meet Billy?" Tony told me about telling her about his son, which is understandable, although I don't know who else we're going to tell, and how much.

"She did that at the airport."

"Oh!" She must've decided to pick up Tony and Billy at JFK. I wish I'd known. I would've cut my date short.

"They're all upstairs now, looking at Billy's new room."

"So why are you down here?"

"There's only so much of that woman I can stand."

I don't know why Mother is so hostile towards Mrs. Rossini. She's been like that for years but it has gotten worse over time. Then again, Mother doesn't really get along with most women. Maybe she feels like they're the competition, as if she doesn't have enough boyfriends as it is. The one exception is Sam, who's always been like a beloved granddaughter. I know she loves me, but it's Sam that she never insults. Not that I'm jealous. I would like Mother to be nicer to me, but I'm used to it by now.

Anyway, I now say, "What do you think of Billy?"

"He's cute. Not as cute as Jonathan at that age, but cute."

This surprises me. She's never been a doting grandmother. And I know she thinks Tony is handsome, so if Billy looks like him, wouldn't that make him cute?

Then she says, "He's going to be a handful, but not because he'll be bringing insects and reptiles into the house."

I wonder what she means by that. But I shouldn't stand here talking to her when I need to belatedly greet Billy. "We'll talk later," I say.

"Ooo, is there more dirt on Capt. Doctor? Or is it Dr. Captain?"

I shake my head and go through the living room and upstairs. I find Mrs. Rossini standing in the doorway of Billy's room, while inside Tony is sitting in the rocking chair we dug out of the attic. Billy is napping in his lap, and one of Jonathan's old picture books has fallen to the floor.

"Are they adorable or what?" Mrs. Rossini whispers as quietly as she can.

I nod.

Then she adds, "I'm so glad Tony finally had the son he wanted," and my stomach clenches with a dozen emotions.


	11. Sons

Mona got back from her date soon after we arrived, and now Angela's back. I still wonder about this doctor she's seeing on a non-professional basis, but I'll deal with that later.

"Hi," she whispers from the doorway of Billy's bedroom, "sorry I wasn't here earlier."

"It's OK," I whisper back. Then I gently lift Billy and put him into his little bed. Angela did a nice job with the finishing touches on the room. It's got dinosaurs and baseball, perfect for my five-year-old son.

We head downstairs with Mrs. Rossini, who says as quietly as she can, "I never thought I'd get to see that after Marie died. Well, I sort of hoped when I re-introduced you to Gina and then Frankie."

It takes me a moment to understand. She means my having a son, an Italian-looking son. Never mind that Trish B. was as blonde as Angela or Kathleen. He's got my dark eyes and hair. What if I had married Gina, not minding that she wouldn't have had a life and interests of her own, just spoiling me? We could have a four-year-old by now. Or Frankie, if she had rushed me into marriage and new fatherhood, we'd have a two-year-old. Maybe a son, or maybe a little girl like Sam. Of course, with Gina, I'd probably have two or three little kids, not just one. Maybe not so many with Frankie, since she was a little older than Gina and she was a lawyer. Maybe a couple kids in our first decade.

Anyway, Marie had some health issues, as Mrs. Rossini well knows. She could've had another baby but it was risky, so we decided to wait till Sam was a little older. And then Marie died of unrelated health issues, and I was sure Sam would always be an only child. But every chance I've had to take care of a kid, especially Jonathan but also the Clintster a few years ago, I've taken. And now here is Billy, an unexpected gift from a selfish woman.

I glance at Angela and she looks like something's bothering her. Maybe she feels bad about being out on a date when she should've been waiting for us. I won't dwell on it. And anyway, it wasn't that long ago that I wanted her to get out and have a good time, although in her usual zero-to-sixty way, she had to go full-on fifth gear and party every night with the local jazz community.

I tell Mrs. Rossini, "Well, thanks for the matchmaking."

"It turned out you didn't need it, you naughty boy!"

I blush. I don't like being reminded of my stupid one-night stand. OK, Billy will be a constant reminder, but I try to see him as a good result coming out of a bad situation. I wouldn't have chosen the way he was conceived. I'd prefer to have a son born out of love. But he's here and he's a good kid and he's mine, even though I wasn't looking for him. And awful as it may sound, in a way this is easier with Trish dead. Can you imagine custody battles and all the crap that Michael put Angela through before he got distracted by his young wife, "the assistant to Michael Bower"?

"Where's Jonathan?" Angela asks.

"He went to the library," Mrs. Rossini answers before I can. "He's such a good kid. You must be so proud, Angela, such a good student."

She smiles a little. "Well, Tony can take some credit for that."

"Yeah, just think. All these years that Tony was helping you raise Jonathan, and now he can put that practice to use with his own son."

"Jonathan is like my son, too," I say. I don't want Angela to feel like it was just a job to me, even if that was part of why I was hired, and maybe what won her over to begin with, that I was good with her kid. By the time Michael thought he wanted custody, I didn't want to let Jonathan go, and it wasn't just for Angela's sake. I mean, of course I knew it was breaking her heart to make that sacrifice, but I personally didn't want to see our unofficial family broken up. I didn't want to lose that little boy I cared about so much. And I remember when Jonathan set me and Angela up on a blind date, it wasn't like it would've been if Sam did it, where she'd want me to have a wife, especially someone she liked and maybe by that point loved as much as Angela. Jonathan was also afraid of me going away like his daddy did. So I let him know I'll always be here for him, whatever happens with me and his mom.

"Oh, of course," Mrs. Rossini says. I know she doesn't mean any harm. But for her, family by blood is the main thing, except that she also loves me like a son or a nephew, or I guess like her Uncle Al.

"Did Jonathan say when he'll be back?" Angela asks.

This time I answer, "By dinner. And Sam will be coming over then, too, so we'll all be together." I want her to understand that we're still a family.

Mrs. Rossini asks, "What are you making and how can I help?"

I guess she's just invited herself. I can't exactly say no. One, I've never been able to refuse her, whether it's apartment-sitting in hot weather or helping out at her fish store after her husband Joe left her for another woman; two, she did drive me and Billy up here; and three, family does include her, although I know Mona won't be thrilled. Tomorrow will be soon enough for this household to start what will be our new normal life with my son.

When we get downstairs, the phone rings, but Mona is in the living room again and she answers. "Of course, one moment please." From her tone, I expect it to be one of Angela's clients calling her at home on her day off. But instead she says, "Tony, it's Kathleen."

"Oh, yeah, thanks. I'll take it in the kitchen." I assume she'll hang up, rather than listen on the extension, as she would if Angela and Mrs. Rossini weren't here. I go in the kitchen and wait till I hear the click before I tell Kathleen, "Hey, Sweetheart, I'm glad you called."

"Is he there? Is Billy there?"

"Yeah, he's here. He's napping."

"Poor little guy. Did the long flight wear him out?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Can I come over and meet him tonight?"

"Uh, let's hold off on that." I almost say that I want him to get used to the family first. She isn't family and she knows that, but it feels cruel to say so.

"Oh, OK. Well, do you feel up to meeting my father next weekend?"

"Next weekend?"

"Well, yeah. He's starting to wonder if there's something wrong with you, like I'm hiding you away."  
"Oh. Well, gee, I don't know. I may be busy with Billy then."

"Couldn't Angela watch him for a few hours?"

"Yeah, I guess." I hope Angela doesn't have a date then. "I'll check with her and let you know."

"OK, Honey, we'll talk on Monday after class."  
"Sure. Have a great weekend. Sorry I can't see you."  
"I understand. You have a very special new roommate."

"Yeah, I do."


	12. Stuff

My brother is adorable. OK, yes, he's my half-brother. He didn't have as wonderful a mother as I did. But we share the same wonderful father. In fact, he looks like Dad much more than I do, not just because he's a boy but because I look like Mom. He's half-Italian, although he's unfamiliar with our culture, after growing up with WASPy Trish and a nanny, but Dad is determined to at least introduce him to Italian cooking beyond spaghetti.

Mrs. Rossini helped with dinner on Saturday. I could see Dad wanted it to be just the six of us, but he could hardly kick her out after she did that, not to mention picking them up from the airport. There seemed to be some other tension, too, although I didn't stay long enough to sort it all out. But here's what I gathered from Mona and Jonathan this week:

1\. Mrs. Rossini said some stuff about Dad finally having a son! Poor Jonathan, I'm glad he wasn't there. He's not as fond of Billy as I am, and not just because they're not blood-related. Now Jonathan is "the middle child" and that's gotta be awkward to adjust to at 14, especially for a kid who's awkward anyway. I think of Jonathan as my brother, too, but in a different way of course. We've fought like siblings for years. In fact the closer Dad and Angela got, the more we fought, like we were getting ready to be step-siblings, although that's not gonna happen now, for reasons I'll get to. Anyway, Jonathan irritates the hell out of me, but I also care about him and I know that this is going to be a rough adjustment for him. Billy is cute and little and Dad's real son, so even though Dad has always let Jonathan know he loves him, Jonathan must feel pushed out of the way.

2\. Mrs. Rossini said that stuff in front of poor Angela! Now, I don't know if Angela and Dad ever wanted a kid together, but Mona thinks they did, because of the way they acted when she (Mona) got back from California after straightening out Baby Clint's parents' lives. Like they didn't want to give him up. And Angela did tell me directly, after Jamaica but before Kathleen, that she and Dad had agreed to someday maybe seriously discuss marriage, which isn't that definite and, yeah, has probably been dropped since, but I think that even though she must be about 40, she must've at least had it cross her mind. And Trish was, what, 35, when Billy was born? It would've been totally unlike Angela and Dad, especially her back then, but what if Dad had had a one-night stand with Angela in '84? Or maybe if they'd had a real relationship right after we moved in, and she got pregnant and Billy could've been her kid? I mean, that must've at least have crossed Angela's mind since they found out about him, especially since Mona says Trish stole Angela's crush something something Holmby III, and then Angela stole him back the night after Dad's one-night stand with Trish. So there was a weird sort of rivalry between the sorority sisters.

3\. And even if Angela hadn't been there, that was pretty insensitive of Mrs. R to say that to Dad. I don't know all the details since I was so little and no one's been comfortable telling me much about it, even though I'm an adult now, but I know it would've been risky for Mom to have more kids after me. I know Mrs. R didn't mean any harm, but she should've known better than to remind Dad of Mom in such a painful way.

4\. Meanwhile, Angela was apparently late to greet Billy because she was out on a date with a new guy, a doctor with a boat. She's been dating different guys since Dad started seeing Kathleen, including a hot perfect guy named Christopher, so I'm not too worried that this will lead to anything serious and, yes, she has the right to go out and have fun, and I don't want to see her moping and miserable over Dad. But I don't want another Geoffrey, OK?

5\. A worse threat is of course Kathleen. She and Dad have been dating for months now and he's meeting her father tomorrow! He swears it's no big deal, but then why is he making his rabbit-shaped carrot cake? I mean, it's not even near Easter. Billy, by the way, already loves Dad's cooking, although he thinks it's sissy of him to wear an apron. It's always seemed normal to me, but then Billy didn't grow up with any kind of male role model and he's just going by what he's seen on TV. Dad is so macho he doesn't worry about doing "feminine" things. After all, he's been a housekeeper for six years.

6\. Sorry, I digress, but I don't want to talk about the possibility of Dad getting really serious with Kathleen. As near as I can tell, she's not scared off by Billy, although they haven't met yet. (Dad says he wants Billy to settle in more, and it has only been a few days.) But if Dad meets her dad, then she'll have to meet Dad's son. And I don't want her to be my stepmom, or Billy's. Yeah, I'm living in the dorms and I'm pretty independent, but Angela is the mother figure I've loved for over five years. (It took me awhile to warm up to her I'll admit, but I can't picture ever warming up to Kathleen.) And even if Kathleen is probably an improvement over Trish, she is not my first choice for Billy's blonde stepmother. Angela already adores Billy and, even if she and Dad never get married, it'd be better to have Dad keep living in her house and now raise Billy there.

7\. Of course, who they're dating aside (and that may change again, since they've both gone through a lot of dates in six years), Dad may move out of Angela's house in a couple years anyway, when he graduates from college. I don't think he'd move too far away, especially while I'm still going to Ridgemont. Then again, I might marry Matt by then. We started out engaged and then backed off to pre-engaged. He stayed in New Mexico, although we did talk about him maybe transferring out here. He promised to visit me sometime this Fall, and I think I might go out there during Christmas Break, and not just to get away from the snow and ice. I haven't sprung that on Dad yet of course, not with all this stuff about Billy and everything. Anyway, if Dad does marry Kathleen, I'll still visit Angela, Mona, and Jonathan, but I don't know how long I'll stick around in Connecticut. I love Dad and I'm fond of Billy, but it might be easier to deal with all these changes at a distance.


	13. Hooterville

Life in Hooterville continues, although the population has been fluctuating lately. Tony finally broke up with Kathleen, because she and/or her father were getting too serious about Tony. While Angela was minding Billy, who is a handful, she ended up calling Tony for help, while he was over at Kathleen's apartment, meeting her dad. I don't know if this was typical Angelic passive aggressiveness, like when she called Tony at Frankie's place three years ago to ask where the dish-washing detergent was, but it ended up convincing Kathleen's dad what a great dad Tony is. And he wanted Tony to have kids with Kathleen. My impression is she liked the idea, although probably not till they're done with college in a couple years.

But Tony got cold feet. He clearly never wanted a serious relationship with Kathleen. I don't know if he wants one with anyone, including Angela. Maybe he's scared of losing a wife like he did before. I know that kind of fear, although in my case I just can't see any husband making me as happy as Robert did. I loved Max and I've enjoyed a lot of men, but you can't recapture the magic I had with Robert, not easily anyway.

Well, I think Tony could with Angela. I've been rooting for them since before the beginning. I showed Tony the most flattering picture of my daughter in my wallet when we met and I offered him the job as her housekeeper. At the time, I just thought, _Hey, he's a sweet, funny, gorgeous stud. She could use some fun._ But as I got to know him, I saw how perfect he'd be for her, the way he balances her and yet has things in common with her, like favorite old movies and music. They'd be perfect together, but neither of them is willing to move beyond the vague, unfulfilling, frustrating, immature joke they call a relationship.

Anyway, when Tony dumped Kathleen, I wanted him to tell Angela he was back on the market so she'd drop Captain Andy like a hot anchor, but Angela kept seeing the doctor with a boat for three more weeks. He wasn't as bad as Geoffrey and he didn't get to the point of proposing, thank goodness. But it made me sick to see him in Tony's kitchen, kissing and cooking.

Luckily, Billy indirectly came to the rescue again. Just as his arrival helped put Tony in a position where he had to fish or cut bait with Kathleen, Angela's sense of responsibility (eclipsed when she became a jazz baby) has made her just as devoted to Billy as Tony is. And I don't think it's just that Billy is Tony's son. After all, Angela has stayed Sam's mother figure all through the crap that Tony has put Angela through this year. She loves Sam for Sam's own sake, and she's starting to love Billy, too.

Dr. Captain didn't like Angela breaking dates to worry about Billy. And there has been a lot to worry about lately, with Billy hitting other kids. I know how to handle him. You just treat him like a kid, not expect as much as those two perfectionists that live in the house next door have been expecting. So Capt. Doctor is history now and Tony tried to indirectly ask Angela out but of course they ended up at a dance with two other people because they can never just say how they feel to each other (unless one of them is unconscious), and I'm stuck being an amused but frustrated bystander.

And that's just what's happening with that generation. Meanwhile, Sam's idiotic engagement continues. Yes, I was engaged at her age. (Three times, including to James Earl Jones, until Mummy broke that one up.) But those were different times and 18-year-olds had to grow up faster, having lived through the Depression and the War. Also, I truly loved Robert and it was meant to last. Matt should've just been a summer fling, but the cowboy is old-fashioned and he proposed to Sam, who's always been quick to fall for these morons who don't deserve her. (I thought Jesse was the best of the bunch, and even he cheated her.) So, even though Sam has admitted to me that Matt is "dumb as a box of rocks," she's still smitten with him, although long-distance.

That hasn't stopped her from moving in with a guy. OK, it's an engaged guy, and the fiancee, living off-campus in a great house they're sitting for a traveling professor. But Angela said the guy is cute, especially naked. Not that she put it that way, I had to grill her a little first, but she and Tony did walk in on him in the shower. Oh, I wish I'd been there, for many reasons. Anyway, Tony isn't thrilled about his daughter living with a man, but he's tolerating the situation for now. I wonder what the cowpoke would think, considering he's too old-fashioned to live with Sam himself.

Hmmm, I wonder if I could pay for Matt's plane ticket so he could make a surprise visit to Sam. After all, they haven't seen each other in months, and she misses him. Wouldn't that be a sweet, grandmotherly thing to do? And Hooterville could use some fresh excitement from a Western tourist.


	14. Brothers

It's not easy being a middle child, even if Tony isn't actually my father. He has been more like a dad than my real dad. Even before the divorce, Dad wasn't around much. He travels the world, making wildlife documentaries. When I was little, I was so happy every time he came back. He'd bring gifts and stories but more importantly, he was here. And then he'd leave and I'd just have Mom and Grandma. And I love them of course, but I needed "a male role model." Tony has been that for six and a half years. He teaches me about sports, girls, and life in general.

I still remember when I fixed him and Mom up for Valentine's Day. It seemed so simple then. Marry them off, get him to stay forever. But, for whatever reason, and Grandma and Sam have a dozen theories, Mom and Tony have never quite gotten together. They've gone on a few dates, but mostly they date other people. They are each other's best friends, and I guess that's good enough to make him stay. Or it was, till Billy came along.

Not that Tony is in any hurry to go. I know he, and Billy, will be here at least till he finishes college. Maybe till Sam finishes a couple years after that. But once I go to college, what reason would Tony have to stick around? His work here would be through and he'd probably want to get on with his life, as a teacher and as Billy's dad.

Even now, Tony is in my house but everything centers around his son. He didn't even know about Billy till a few months ago, and now he has to make up for lost time. Plus, Billy is 5. I'm 15, and I'm "the good kid," most of the time. (OK, I did borrow Tony's Jeep to impress a sexy Goth girl named Patricia, but I did feel guilty about it.) I'm not supposed to need much at my age. And obviously I don't need a babysitter. But I still need attention, and most of that's going to Billy. Mom and Tony are already planning his birthday party, and that's a couple weeks away. And he's turning six! What does he need besides balloons and a cake, maybe ice cream?

Yeah, Mom is very into being Billy's mother figure. His real mother was kind of self-absorbed. And, yeah, I get that, that losing a parent is hard. Dad didn't die, but he might as well have for all I see him. And poor Sam lost her mom when she wasn't much older than Billy. So Mom feels sorry for Billy. But she's not the stay-at-home mom type. When she tried to take over for Tony for a couple weeks, doing the housework and looking after Billy, she drove us all crazy. Why can't she just be a mom to Billy like she was to me? You know, doting when she was around but with her own life most of the time.

And then there's Sam. First of all, she is Billy's sister, well, half-sister, and the age difference between them is huge, so she's not always insulting him like she did with me after the first couple years. She gives him piggyback rides and plays dolls with him. Not that I want that! But I asked her to just do a simple favor for me— OK, it was to cover for me after I got a scratch on Tony's Jeep— and it was really hard to talk her into it. Compare that to when she first babysat me and she lied to protect me about accidentally dropping Grandma's earring down the sink. Still, yeah, she did come through this time. But I miss her just being "my sister." Even though she can be shallow sometimes, she's smarter than she acts and I am really proud of her for going to college a year early. It's just, it means she's not around as much and when she is, Billy is the brother she wants to talk to.

At the same time, when she comes home, which she does a few times a week since she ended up going to Ridgemont, just a couple miles away, although she did consider transferring to New Mexico to be with her stupid cowboy fiance Matt, everyone makes a fuss over her. The worst was when she had like the sniffles and everyone, even Grandma, was waiting on her hand and foot! Why couldn't she have kept her male roommate Benjamin and have him take care of him, since he clearly had the hots for her? (Plus she was breaking down the barriers for me by shacking up with him, so someday I can live with three stewardesses. Well, I'd settle for one girl who likes me.) Sam even climbed out her bedroom window to go to a high school party, just to get attention. If I did that, Mom would say, "Jonathan, I expect better from you," and Tony might say, "All right!", but then they'd go back to worrying about whether Billy's eating enough roughage or whatever this week's crisis is.

The irony is that the only one who pays more attention to me than to Billy is Grandma, the most self-absorbed person I know. OK, that's not fair. Grandma is aware of other people and even has a degree in Psychology. It's just she puts herself first. But she said to me the other day, when I was griping a little, "Hey, Kiddo, you're still my one and only grandson."

"Except in Jamaica?"

"And other resorts, yes."

She likes Billy but she's not sentimental about him, awwwing over every precious thing that comes out of his little mouth. Well, it's a big mouth for his age. He can be totally rude and everyone just thinks it's cute. I've gotten slapped (not hard) for less.

The worst part is I feel guilty that I feel this way. There are times that I like Billy, like having him around, although any hopes I had of him worshiping me as a big brother are gone. He just looks up to Tony, which makes sense. Tony is awesome and he's Billy's dad. I had the same hero worship for a long time. I still admire Tony, but I see flaws in him, from a fear of swimming to his sort of cheating on Mom with Kathleen. Thank God that time is over and neither of them is seeing anyone right now. But then that means they focus on Billy even more.

Anyway, Billy tried to cover for me over the Jeep scratch, too, although obviously nobody believed he drove it, while Sam plausibly could've. (She did get in an accident in Tony's old van, when her old boyfriend Jesse let her drive it. And she was fifteen then, now that I think about it.) I knew he wouldn't get in trouble, he never does, even when he hit me and his classmates. But it was nice of him to try.


	15. Accidents

I can't process this. Tony and I are married. And we've been married for about a year. Married during Kathleen and Andy and all those other relationships. Married when Tony found out he had a son by a woman he met when I was still technically married to Michael. And, um, to Brian.

I've been married three times and only with Michael was I actually aware of the length of the marriage. I've been married over thirty years and I'm only 40.

All this time Tony and I thought we were taking things slow, and we got married on less than an impulse. It was an accident. Even with Brian, I had more of an intention, although it was a whim to fly to Vegas in my freshman year of college and tie the knot. With Tony, it was the hotel's fault, well, sort of.

When I went to see him in an Old Timers' game a couple years ago, he had me pass as his wife for a weekend, because he was scared of a groupie who got to him too much when he was young and newly widowed. He didn't give in in '89, but he was tempted. I didn't like being used like that, but, with Mother's long-distance help, I realized that I was there to support my best friend, and not just in baseball.

Last year was less dramatic, although now it seems with greater consequences than we realized. The Moonlight Motel messed up our reservation and so we had to take one room. Tony slept on the floor. We figured that was the end of it. But we reckoned without the IRS and South Carolina state law. We registered as a married couple. Tony's ex-teammates already thought we were married from the previous year, and it just made things simpler. We didn't know how a commonwealth would see that. Or that we'd be audited when my accountant got arrested.

It's not just the Palmetto State's fault. Tony and I seem like a married couple. As Mother put it to the IRS lady, we've been together a long time, we squabble like a couple, and we never have sex. Of course, if we had had sex in the past year, that would mean we'd have consummated the marriage and there'd be no chance of an annulment. In some ways though, this was the year we were least likely to have sex of the past six or so. Part of that's due to Kathleen et al., but some of it has to do with Billy.

True, raising Tony's son together has healed the scars in our relationship, brought us close again. When Tony and I met, Sam and Jonathan were older than Billy is now, and they've both grown up so much, still teenagers but practically adults, especially her. (Although she did let us baby her when she had a cold recently.) Billy needs us, both of us. He may've lived with a selfish mother and a not particularly warm governess, but that wasn't enough. Sometimes I worry that even Tony and I aren't enough, although Mother, Sam, and Jonathan help out of course. But it's Tony and I who do the hard stuff, including the worrying. Billy is a tough little kid, but he's only five (almost six), and so vulnerable. I want to protect him even more than I've tried to protect Jonathan.

This all means that Tony and I spend a lot of time together with, or at least thinking about, Billy. But that hasn't left much room for us to think about our relationship, other than we're content with how things are, and we agree that, despite some sadness and pain, these have been the happiest years of our lives. Maybe when Billy is older, or at least maybe when Tony finishes college and is no longer my housekeeper, we can see where our journey together has taken us and might take us.

Except we're married now. I can't help thinking, what if it had been Missouri law and it had been the Old Timers' game in St. Louis? The year of our marriage would've included Jamaica, when we could've consummated if Tony hadn't hesitated, said that he wanted to wait "until and unless" we were married, and we couldn't get married till he figured out his own life. A year ago, our flirtation and sexual tension were at their height, before Kathleen and all that. And by then, he'd decided to become a teacher. What if we'd decided to just stay married, whether or not we'd ever done more than make out? He'd still be my housekeeper, but that hasn't been a concern for me in years.

I know, it would bother him. Yes, he knew by then what he wanted to do with the rest of his life, but he wasn't there yet, still isn't there, although he's closer, with less than a year to go. (He should be able to graduate a little early, since he takes summer classes.) And anyway, it didn't happen in Missouri, it happened in South Carolina. And I've flown to Italy with him on "family business" and there are other things we've done, just since Billy arrived, that make us seem married in the eyes of the government.

What about our own eyes? Tony and I have both thought about getting married. For me, at first it was just idle daydreams and then I realized I loved him but was scared to tell him and lose what we have. It wasn't till Jamaica that either of us admitted the thought had crossed our minds. After Kathleen, I didn't want to hope anymore. But now? Do I think of Tony as my husband?

Yes and no. In the sense that Brian Thomas was my husband from the time of Nixon to the time of Bush. From the '60s almost into the '90s. While we led our separate lives, including a marriage and divorce for me, and an engagement for him. But it is different with Tony. We've hardly spent a day apart for six and a half years. We've blended our lives together, raised two, now three, children together. He helped me start my own agency. I encouraged him to go to college. We've danced to oldies and watched classic movies. We've eaten all those delicious meals he's cooked, from breakfast, when I was strictly a juice & coffee girl in the beginning, to midnight snacks in our p.j.s. (He thinks I look cute in all my robes. I love to see him in his sweatpants and undershirts.)

In some ways marriage would be superfluous. It wouldn't change who and what we are. And yet, it is my dream, literally sometimes. But not like this, not as an accident. And anyway, Tony said he would rather transport sheep across state lines than be married to me. Still, Billy is an "accident," too, and look how that's worked out.


	16. Registering

My hand hesitates as I take the pen to sign the register. I'm thinking of a year ago and how that changed our lives without us knowing it. Just like six and a half years ago my hand unzipping Trish Baldwin's skirt led to unexpected results.

I drop the pen on the counter, turn to Angela, and say, "Can we go for a walk?"

"Um, OK."

"Great." I look at the desk clerk and say, "Can we leave our luggage with you?"

"I could have the bellhop take it up to your room."

"Rooms," Angela corrects him. That's something else we have to talk about.

"No, that's OK. Just, we'll be back in about a, a half hour. Just keep them down here for us, please."

"Whatever you like, Sir."

"Great, thanks." I remember a park nearby, one we passed in the cab from the airport. I escort her there. I know we could've gone up to my room or hers and discussed this privately, but I'm not ready for where that might lead.

We sit down on a bench, not next to each other, but close enough to talk quietly. She says, "Well?"

I clear my throat. "I didn't mean you're worse than sheep."

"Well, thank you. Should we go see the judge now?"

"Not yet. I have some stuff to say, and I think you do, too."

She nods. "Go on."

"Well, you know I've thought about marrying you, but not like this."

"I know. It wasn't exactly romantic."

"Yeah. And it was at a time when I was having doubts."

"About us?"

"Sort of. I see you in my future, but marriage is a big step. It was easier with Marie because we were so young and she was part of my world. Marrying her didn't really change things."

"You think us getting married would change things?"

"Yeah. OK, yeah, Mona is sort of right. We are like a married couple, in some ways. But I'm your housekeeper."

"Not forever. Not for much longer."

"I know. But that's what I am right now. I'm also, it seems, your husband."

"You don't have to stay my husband. We'll explain the situation to the judge and he'll understand."

"Is that what you want?"

"Oh, not at all. We flew 750 miles south just to take in some jazz and barbecue."

"We can do that later if you want."

"Tony. We agreed that this is the best way to end our marriage."

"But should we end it?"

She looks at me in silence for a moment and then asks, "Is this because of Billy?"

When the family said goodbye to us at JFK, Mona, Sam, and Jonathan teased us of course. They seem amused and, OK, pleased at the idea of me and Angela being married accidentally. Mona "warned" us, "Make sure you're still eligible for an annulment by the time you see the judge," like Angela and I were going to race up to our shared hotel room and, well, I wouldn't be sleeping on the floor. Sam said, "Happy second honeymoon," and Jonathan said, "Don't hurry back, Mom and Pop."

But Billy said, "Does this mean Angela won't be my stepmom anymore?" I might've thought Mona or the older kids put him up to that, but he seemed completely sincere and on the edge of tears.

Angela knelt down and hugged him. "Sweetheart, I don't have to be married to your father to love you and be a part of your life." I don't know if she realized that that was close to what I said to Jonathan five years ago, after he sent me and Angela on a blind date. I looked over at Jonathan and he looked like he was about to cry, too. I know he remembered, and I hope he understands that I still love him and he's still my son, even if not by blood.

When Angela let go, Billy said, "Will you bring me back some souvenirs?" and we all laughed, although I think we were all about ready to cry. Even Mona! Or maybe she was just sad about losing the best of her three sons-in-law, not that that's saying much.

And, yeah, I'm the one who committed adultery! Like I don't feel guilty enough about Kathleen as it is. Hopefully, God understands good intentions, and sometimes not having intentions.

Anyway, I now say, "Partly. You're such a good mom to him. Remember in Jonathan's principal's office when he was having trouble adjusting to junior high? I said if I had a kid then, I'd want you to be the mother. Well, that's even more true now."  
"Thank you, Tony. And I'm glad that you have a chance to be a father again, especially with Sam in college and not needing you as much."

"Yeah. Not that parenthood ever ends."

She sighs. "I know. I feel like I should be paying more attention to Jonathan, so he won't act out, like he did with Patricia."

"He's fifteen. Even good boys can fall for bad girls."

"That's why I worry."  
"I know. But I'm here. I'll help you through it, like you've helped me with Sam."

"Thank you. And now we've got Billy, whose adolescence is luckily still a long way off."

"Yeah. Do you want to be around when he becomes a teenager?"

"Well, I think he'll be more worry than Sam and Jonathan combined, but I'm also curious to see what kind of person he grows up to be."  
"Yeah, me, too, but that's not what I'm asking."

"What are you asking?"

"Do you want to stay together, you and me, the whole family, for years to come?"

"Of course," she says quietly.

"As my wife?"

"Are you proposing or are you just asking me not to get an annulment?"

"Both."

"Why?"

"Why? Why do you think?"

"Tony, there are dozens of reasons people marry, and stay married. I could've refused to sign the papers with Brian a couple years ago if I just wanted to be married for the sake of being married. And I could keep what you and I have if I wanted to be like a married couple without actually being one. What are you offering me?"

I swallow. "Angela, I wanted to wait till I got through with college. When we talked in Jamaica, I didn't know all this other stuff would happen, including stuff that happened before we even kissed."

"We first kissed in the early '60s."

"Well, we didn't know that either for a long time. I mean before we kissed in the kitchen the night we got drunk."

"Oh."

"And maybe if I'd been more drunk, or you'd been less, something might've happened then. We might even have had a baby."

"I wish Billy was ours," she says softly. "The timing wasn't right, but it doesn't seem fair that Trish had your baby when you and she meant nothing but some fun to each other, and now I'm too old to have a child."

"You're not that old. Not much older than I am."

She makes a face at me. "Thanks."

"I wasn't teasing you. If you want a kid with me, well, I think we've still got time."

"Is that why you want to marry me? So we'll have four children instead of three?"

"Or five if it's twins."

She smiles. "I remember, you wanted twins."

"Yeah. But anyway, yeah, that's part of it. I'm Italian. I love big families and I think it'd be great to have a kid that's biologically both of ours, although it's been great to share our kids by other people, too. Plus, it would be wonderful to again have a baby with a woman I love."

"You love me?"

"Um, yeah." I didn't mean to say it like that and maybe not just yet. But I can't take it back. "I do. And, no, not just as a friend or like family. You are the woman I love."

"Oh, Tony!" We've been inching closer to each other as we talk, and now she throws her arms around me and starts kissing me. Just like in Jamaica, I return it, but I don't think I'm as worried now about where this is leading. And as for "until and unless we're married," well, I think that condition has been met.

Five minutes later, I sign the register for "Mr. and Mrs. Micelli," and five minutes after that I've overtipped the bellhop to get him to leave quickly. Five minutes after that, Angela says she loves me, too. And five minutes after that, we begin to, well, make it legal.


	17. Neighbors

Sometimes it's impossible to keep up with the neighborhood news. To take a relatively small example, look at the Harpers. They moved here with their twelve-year-old daughter who was "advanced for her age," kissing strange (both unfamiliar and weird) boys like Jonathan Bower, and then Mark Harper got Mary Fuller pregnant, so Pam Harper wanted a divorce, but then Mary had a miscarriage and Mark and Pam reconciled, sold their house to Angela Bower, and moved to Japan for a year. Then they bought their house back and returned to Japan with an adopted son of about six, while their daughter went to boarding school.

But, yes, it's Angela's household that is at the top of the Gossip Charts, year after year, even surpassing the Wilmingtons. We all know Diane Wilmington has slept with any attractive man she can, both before and after her divorce, but Angela? Hm. It's been difficult to say exactly what's going on at 3344 Oak Hills Drive.

To begin with, when she first moved in, her husband was hardly ever home, traveling the world making documentaries. Who knows what he was up to? Angela, on the other hand, seemed to be married to her job, as Vice-President of an ad agency. And then she filed for divorce, but started dating even before the divorce was final. Not only that, she hired a very attractive male housekeeper that I happen to know she shared a bed with at least once. He admitted it at a PTA meeting! And yet, the parents foolishly elected him as President over me, not that I'm bitter.

For years, while they dated other people, Tony and Angela continued to be "best friends" who flirted. Maybe nothing more happened, but we can never be sure. In any case, it's an unhealthy environment for their children, so no wonder little Jonathan kissed Heather Harper, and no wonder Samantha is already engaged at the young age of 18. Of course, she spent most of her life in Brooklyn, so perhaps that's not considered abnormal there.

And just this Fall, Tony's illegitimate son by a now dead woman moved in! And Angela is helping to raise the boy, as if she's any kind of good mother, wrapped up in her own ad agency now. But that's not all.

I'm still sorting out the chronology on this, but Tony and Angela either got secretly married in South Carolina a year ago and didn't tell anyone— while still dating other people!—or they recently eloped to South Carolina. In any case, they're now presenting themselves as married and planning a big, tacky, official wedding. At least, I assume it'll be tacky, if their competitive birthday party against the Harpers is any example. Let's hope Tony won't wear tights again. (Oh, all right, he looks good in tights, but very undignified.)

Sometimes I feel sorry for Billy, that poor little now six-year-old boy. He'll probably grow up even more twisted than Jonathan. But not every child can have the benefit of living in a home with good moral values, like my children.

...

I'm glad he doesn't look like me. He does have my mother's big, dark brown eyes, my father's wavy, dark brown hair. And she gave him my middle name for his first name, well, Billy. And I, Walter William Parker, am probably the only living person who wonders if that little boy down the street is my son. I'm sure Joanne doesn't have a clue. She's never known about my affairs, although I've been aware of hers. She likes to act like we're the perfect family, and I let her. It's a safe, quiet life on the surface. I make a good living selling insurance. We can afford a maid and other servants, and if she wants to sleep with the pool boy, let her. She's happy I never touch the maid, unlike Charles Wilmington and Phoebe years ago.

I've been smart enough to not fool around with anyone from Fairfield. When your wife's the biggest gossip in town, you know what kinds of things get talked about. And it's just less drama this way, well, usually. When I met Trish, it was in a bar in Chicago. We had an ongoing fling, every time there was an insurance convention in the Windy City. No strings attached, we promised each other, but it was sort of a regular thing I guess. No consequences. She understood I would never divorce Joanne, and I understood that she hoped to find a rich, single guy someday.

And then she got pregnant. And it was in my hometown. I know I shouldn't have agreed to go to the Fairfield Inn with her, the night of her college reunion. But when she called and said she was in town, I couldn't resist. The thing is, I already knew she was in town because my darling wife had reported that Angela Bower's sorority sister was trying to steal Angela's housekeeper/boyfriend. And, yes, I know by now that Trish slept with Tony Micelli the previous night. Maybe Billy is his son, not mine, but I'll always wonder.

Billy just thinks I'm the boring, stuffy neighbor who gives him a dollar to polish shoes. When he's older, I'll pay him to mow my lawn, wash my car, and any other chores I can think of. I know Tony won't mind. He believes in hard work and he'll want Billy to not be spoiled by living with a rich stepmother. I think Tony and Angela are already regretting that birthday extravaganza last week. From what I've seen of them with their own and each other's children, they're generally good parents. Billy is definitely better off with them than he'd be with me and Joanne. Of course, if Joanne found out, she wouldn't welcome Billy into our home the way Angela warmly invited him into theirs. Joanne would divorce me and I'd be lucky to see the children we had together.

I plan to leave Billy a legacy in my will. I won't care what Joanne thinks when I'm dead.

THE END


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